I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can vaginas get frostbite?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
