But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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