when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
