I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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