If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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