she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize