Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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