i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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