Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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