you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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