She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize