Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
