U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize