I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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