dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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