I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
