I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
