Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
