I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
