Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
