maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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