Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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