It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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