Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's official drugs can't kill me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
