Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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