I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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