think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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