She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
