I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
