the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize