I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
