I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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