I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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