Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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