I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
