everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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