Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize