I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
