I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
