I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
