For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
