Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
