break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
