I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She bit a glass in half.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
