Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
