dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
