Your mouth is God's brothel.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize