Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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