I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
