But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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