It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
