Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
