You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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