Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
