You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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