So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
