dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
