He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
