I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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