apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize