so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
