I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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