Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
