I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize