me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
time to smoke my breakfast
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
