based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
