Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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