I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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