I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
