My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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