Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
