i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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