So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
