I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
