Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize