i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
