How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
