So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
