so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
