We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
