What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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