Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
