please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
