I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
