Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
