The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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