porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
