Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All the doctor said was why
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
