Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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