I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
pop tarts are not kleenex
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
