She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
