I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
