i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
