There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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