Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
