If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize