Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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