i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
