why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
