Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
