cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
